


A Particular Brand of Cowardice

by bendingwind



Category: PIERCE Tamora - Works, Protector of the Small - Tamora Pierce, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: F/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-16
Updated: 2010-06-16
Packaged: 2017-10-10 03:54:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95189
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bendingwind/pseuds/bendingwind
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A question from Yuki leads Neal to ponder his relationship with Kel, and why it never led to more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Particular Brand of Cowardice

Yuki asks him, just once, if he was ever in love with Kel. He supposes it is a reasonable question—after all, he has been friends with the Lady Knight from the very beginning. He answers honestly that, no, he had never been in love with Keladry, and is a little surprised by the answer himself.

It merits some thought.

He ponders their friendship over the following days. Sometimes it is hard to remember living _without _Kel, and he finds himself feeling a little guilty about never having fallen in love with such a constant in his life, or even having entertained a brief crush. Of course, he knew about her crush on _him, _and that only intensified the feeling. _Shouldn't _he have fallen in love with the girl who had been his friend since childhood?

He thinks about Kel. She has always been everything he wanted to be, but didn't quite have the courage or the determination to become. He had never cared to be the best, and had made no attempt to achieve that position. He never practiced beyond what was required, and he preferred his history books to swordplay. She was kind and generous and fair, things that he had a tendency toward but refused to indulge in. Better to play the cold-hearted noble, so that no one would take advantage of him. Better to be a coward who would never lead, a man of average skills on the battlefield and good, though not truly remarkable, skills in the infirmary. Better not to be extraordinary.

Look where it had gotten Kel, after all. Look at the price she had paid to be the woman she was.

He'd take average, thanks just the same.

And perhaps that, in and of itself, is the answer. Kel will never be average. She was destined to be a legend, extraordinary, from the day she accepted the proposal of a probationary period. And he does not want extraordinary. He wants safe Yuki, brave and wonderful and loving, but nothing out of the ordinary. He has never fallen in love with Kel because, thankfully, his heart understands his particular brand of cowardice.

**Author's Note:**

> Because I sort of heart Neal/Kel, but I can't see it happening, and I wanted to explore the reasons why. I love writing Neal. :3


End file.
